Learning To Love
by The Lady Morana
Summary: After being raped by Hidan Deidara discoves that Itachi really doesn't care. Hurt by this, even though it was something he already knew, Deidara feels abandoned, but the Akastuki come in pairs and maybe Tobi's not as dumb as Deidara thinks. TobiDei ItaDei
1. Chapter 1: Past and Present

Disclaimer: I promise I don't own Naruto. What's more is I promise that I'm not making any money what's so ever from this. I just do it because I can.

WARNING: This story involves Yaoi. That means that this story has men touching men in a sexual manor. If you don't like that you may still read, but I have warned you so if you're upset by it I don't feel much remorse.

Note of Dedication: This story was written for SKYE desu ka who requested I write a TobiDei.

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Deidara's life had never been easy. He'd been a terrorist bomber since a young age and had always had a price on his head. A price that just kept going up since being in the Akatsuki or so Kakuzu told him. As a result of his wanted status Deidara had had some less then enjoy encounters, but this one had to be the worst.

Being near any occupied Akatsuki base wounded was general a bad idea, walking into one in Deidara's current state was asking for a death sentence. But what chose did he have? He knew all too well that Kakuzu and Hidan, the not-so-affectionately named "Zombie Twins" were around. Kakuzu would love a chance to collect the bounty on Deidara's head and Hidan… Hidan just loved pain and Deidara had already learned enough about Jashin's follower for one day.

He pushed up the door to a room; it wasn't his it was simply a room with a bed he slept in. Deidara had never had a room that could be called "his" a person needs to have a "home" to have a room. In this plain prison of a room sat Itachi who, unlike Deidara, had been offered life on a silver platter that he'd had sent flying during a hissy fit.

Itachi rose and crossed the tiny room in few short steps, his face an impassive mask. His smooth lips hit Deidara's broken ones with enough force to start them bleeding again. Deidara didn't argue, this was the nature of his and Itachi relationship. But Itachi's rough demanding touch brought the day's pervious events to the surface of Deidara's mind.

_"Come on __Deidara__ you let__ Uchiha do whatever the hell he __fuckin__' wants!"_

_"Leave off __Hidan__, the bitch knows his master, that's all." _

_"Maybe he thinks he too pretty, he is a __fuckin__' artist, and you know what? I agree. In fact I'll show his god damn prissy ass just how __fuckin__' beautiful I think he is."_

Teeth in his neck brought Deidara back to the present. Surely Itachi noticed the very similar mark only cementers from the one he was leaving. Deidara moaned softly, Itachi was rough, but somewhere someone had taught him that both parties involved should find the experience pleasurable. Itachi shoved Deidara's cloak away to reveal his already ruined shirt.

_"You won't take your clothes off pretty boy? That's a shame I'll just have to remove__ the __fuckin__' things __myself."_

Itachi long hands fondled one of the tears but he said nothing. He grabbed Deidara's waist a spun him away from the door and pushed him rather forcibly on to the bed. He lavished Deidara's chest with his tongue teasing at the still inflamed cuts he found there with his tongue, causing just enough pain to tighten Deidara's muscle and bring him up off the mattress. But even as Itachi turn the pain of the cuts into pleasure Deidara could feel the pure hateful agony of when they'd been given.

_"Told __ya__ he was worth looking at under that cloak."_

_"And I agreed with you, Uchiha wouldn't take an ugly whore."_

_"Yeah, but all those mouths are pretty fucked up. Maybe we can put them to good use." _

_"__Do__ whatever the hell you want, just be quick about it. If we're late the bounty gets cut in half."_

_"Fuck you __Kakuzu__, or rather fuck you __Deidara__."_

Itachi pushed at Deidara's pants and he lifted his hips to allow the other man to pull them off. Itachi pulled back to removed his own clothes. When he leaned back down he drew one hand down Deidara's body pinching gently on occasion. The other had traced the inside of Deidara's thigh carefully avoiding the dried substances that already clung to the pale flesh.

_"God listen to him! __Do you suppose Uchiha __lets him top?" _

_"You think anything __fucks that frigid ass?"_

_"Bet Orochimaru tried."_

_"Yeah but that sick fuck isn't around anymore is he?"_

_"Whatever, I was just saying; I don't pretend to know what goes through Princess_ _S__haringan__ mind."_

_"__Hm__, now shut the fuck up and let me enjoy myself." _

Deidara gasped as Itachi entered him slowly. There was a moment of stillness when everything was quite and then Itachi moved. Deidara gasped and clung to Itachi trying to ignore all the pain in favor of the pleasure, but it wasn't working that part of his body was too torn. They rose and fell together until with suffocating gratification they came.

Deidara welcomed the comforting black oblivion of dream sleep as it came over him and chased out the memories.

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AN: I promise that there will be TobiDei in this story! Tobi's in the next chapter, and that's were it'll start I think. I hope you liked it! -Morana


	2. Chapter 2: Nail Paint and Confessions

Thanks To: crimsondeathhurts, EyelinerGirl, black55widow, and SKYE desu ka for reviewing!

Please note: Any Hidan fans that feel that I was Hidan-bashing in the last chapter, I'm sorry. I needed to use someone and Hidan just seemed to work very nicely for the effect I had in mind. I love Hidan, and didn't mean to bash him.

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The first thing that Deidara noticed when he returned to conciseness was that while Itachi wasn't in the bed anymore he was still in the room. The next thing he noticed was the bitter chemical smell of nail polish. He winced as he sat up. Deidara looked around the room to find Itachi and two of his shadow clones hard at work. All three were actively employing Sharingan. Itachi himself was bent over his hand panting his nails while one of his clones worked on his feet and the other used a small controlled fire jutsu to speed the drying process. Deidara watched in silence. He'd always known that Itachi had nails painted so perfectly they might as well naturally be that color, but he'd never guessed that the other man used his village and family's signature techniques to get them that way.

As he watched Itachi guilt and horror crept up on him. He knew if he didn't say anything the feelings would only get worse.

"Hidan raped me, un." He whispered, but it felt like he'd shouted it. Whatever he'd expected Itachi to say or do he didn't expect the response he got.

"I know." Itachi didn't even bother to stop painting his nails.

"What?!" Deidara cried, "How, un?!"

"Hidan mentioned it when he was here just before you got here something about how loud you are, and the two of you weren't in a very sheltered place. It was impossible to enter the base without passing you." Deidara sat very still as that news connected in his mind.

"You're telling me that not only do you know. You knew while it was happening and didn't help me, un!?" He shouted at the stoic man.

"If you aren't strong enough to defend yourself against one or two enemies, you aren't worth the effort of saving." Itachi extended one of his hands and gave it a critical eye.

"You could have helped me, un! Sasori-donna would…" Deidara cried and Itachi cut him off.

"Sasori would have down exactly same. He and I had very little in common. Our opinion on weakness, however, was the same." Deidara looked incredulously at Itachi who was holding out his hand for his shadow clone to dry. Without speaking he left the room, pausing only long enough to pull on his clothes and mutter "bastard, un" on his way out.

He stormed down the hallway to busy being hurt by Itachi to watch where he was going as a result he nearly flattened his partner. Tobi, though he had his whole face covered with that ridiculous orange mask, managed to exert the air of a kicked puppy tempting Deidara to actually kick him. Instead of kicking Tobi Deidara continued he storming down the hall. He'd always known he hated Itachi, he was still unsure why he'd let Sasori's death change that at all.

"Deidara-senpai!" Tobi cried running to catch up with him. Deidara pointedly ignored Tobi, hoping he'd just leave. However, as is with most pests, Tobi only persisted.

"Deidara-senpai! Deidara-senpai! Listen to me!" Deidara snarled, sick of everyone pushing him around, and rounded on Tobi.

"What?! And make it quick or I will kill you, un!" Despite Deidara's ability to care out the threat Tobi seemed unaffected and when he spoke his voice was dry,

"You said that last week Deidara-senpai." Deidara snarled his hands twitching like he was going to strangle the boy and then turned on his heal and stormed off.

"Wait Deidara-senpai! We have a mission!" Deidara paused and then turned to look at Tobi.

"When, un?" Perhaps a mission was what he needed, anything to get him away from here.

"Now, well about an hour ago really, but now works." Deidara snarled lunging at Tobi and strangling him. He shook his partner before releasing him to slump back.

"I am going to kill you one day, un! Life was better when I was partnered with Sasori-donna, un!" His face fell slightly, "Everything was nicer with Sasori-donna was around, un." Deidara turned and walked down the hall towards the exit; he intended to leave right that minute before he could decide to try and kill Itachi… or Hidan for that matter well he was attempted to kill ninja that were a good deal more powerful than him. Hell if he wasn't careful he'd go after Kakuzu too.

"Deidara-senpai you seem irritable than normal and you only talk about Sasori when you're upset. Did something happen?" Tobi asked bouncing next to him. Deidara's face tightened, he glanced sideways at Tobi.

"Yes, un!" He snapped and kept walking hoping Tobi would let it drop, but that wasn't like Tobi.

"What happened, senpai? Did you lose your clay?" He asked. "Come on senpai! You have to tell me! We're partners! I'd tell you if something bad happened to me. Come on senpai! Tell me! Deidara-senpai! Talking about it will make you feel better, that's what I was told any way. But you really should tell me Deidara-senpai, maybe I can help you! If you're mad you blow more stuff up then normal and I don't really want to be blown up. Senpai!" Deidara growled and rounded on Tobi again. This time he towered over the smaller man with malicious in his eyes and killing intent rolling off him.

"Hidan raped me, and Itachi knew about and didn't give a damn, and he still doesn't, un. Because Itachi is a cold bastard that cares more about his damn nail paint than any living person, weak people like me in particular, and Hidan is a religious freak, un! And if you ask about it again I. Will. Kill. You. Un!" Tobi gasped as he looked up at Deidara's murderous face. Deidara turned his back and stormed out the door nearly walking into it the process. Tobi followed silently and watched as Deidara molded two giant birds for them to fly on. Tobi looked at Deidara with fallen shoulders and said very softly,

"It was horrid of Hidan to do that to and even worse of Itachi not to care." All he got in response was an angry un, and the explosion of one of the birds which was met with more angry uns and some swearing.

"You know if it were me, I'd never treat you like that. And if someone ever did, I'd stop them if I knew and I'd hurt them if I ever found out they'd done something like that to you. Because I like you Deidara-sempai, and I think you're special."

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AN: So I'm updating quickly because I want to finish this story before Tuesday, because Wednesday is the start of Lent and I'm going to give up the internet for my Lenten discipline (if you have no idea what I'm talking about feel free to ask me and I'll do my best to explain.) I will still be able to get on every Sunday, but it's less complicated if I have all, or most, of my stories out of the way before Lent starts. On the upside that means quick updates for ya'll! -Morana


	3. Chapter 3: Birds That Go Bang

Thanks To: Yoru no Kuronue, ANDR01D, Exwhyzed, Neko42, ItaSasuLuvr, YoyYoy, EyelinerGirl, black55widow, and SKYE desu ka for reviewing, I love reading my reviews they make me very happy!

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Deidara eyed Tobi skeptically.

"You care about me, un?" His anger and hurt writhed just below the surface, but he still managed to laugh bitterly at Tobi, "I've told you before, Akatsuki members shouldn't make jokes, un. It ruins our image. Now shut-up so I can make you a bird, because you aren't flying on mine, un." With that Deidara turned away from Tobi. It was obvious that Deidara didn't want to discuses relationships involving him, so Tobi decided to let the issue drop more the moment. But before he did he said softly,

"I wasn't joking Deidara-senpai." Deidara threw a bit of exploding clay at him, but otherwise ignored his junior. But even though he ignored Tobi he had heard him and his words, heavy with sincerity, buried themselves in his mind. He jump on his clay bird and, without bothering to see if Tobi was on his, instructed both his works of art to take off.

The wind whipped Deidara's long blond hair around and he glared off in the distance. Rather suddenly he became aware that he had no idea where they were supposed to be going. This knowledge only served to sour his mood because in order to find out where they were headed he had to ask Tobi.

"Where is the mission, un." Deidara's voice was strained.

"We're suppose to assassinate former leaders of the Rain village that manage to escape before Leader-sama arrived and are taking refuge in the Mist." Deidara made a face. He hated assassinations, because normally explosions weren't appropriate. Sasori had always taken care of jobs like this before and he did a good job of it.

Deidara's face fell, he knew he should remain unaffected, but if he'd ever felt anything even resembling love it would have been for Sasori. There had been no romance in their relationship. The thought of sleeping with Sasori raised too many uncomfortable questions, the man was made of wood after all, but it had been like having a family member, a particularly annoying cousin perhaps.

_"You could have helped me, un! __Sasori__-donna wo__uld…"_

_"__Sasori__ would have down exactly same. He and I had very little in common. Our o__pinion on weakness, however, was__ the same."_

Deidara's face grow darker. It had stung to have Itachi say those words and now remembering them allowed doubt to flourish. Deidara had loved Sasori, even though he thought the man wouldn't know good piece of art if it quite literally exploded in his face, but what if the feeling hadn't been returned? Had Sasori truly hated him? A horrid certainty that the only person he'd ever loved had hated settled in Deidara's chest.

"Senpai?" Tobi's voice brought him away from his dark musings, "What's wrong? Your face looks as though you might be ill." Deidara glared at Tobi.

"Nothing, un. " Deidara snapped.

"People don't look they've been informed they have a terminal disease for nothing, senpai." Deidara glared harder at the orange mask, and decided he hated that flat tone Tobi used when he was unimpressed more than anything else. Well anything but the speaker himself.

"I hate the Mist village, un."

"You mean you hate the mission."

"No, I hate the Mist, un."

"You have no really reason to hate the Mist; you hate the mission."

"Listen, boy, I liked you better when you were confessing your weird love. I said I hate the Mist and that's what I mean, un. It's too moist there. My hair goes all fizzy and my explosions don't work as well, un." Deidara snarled.

"Really? Would you like me to tell you that I love you again? Because it's true senpai."

"Really? Would you like me to tell you that the bird you're riding on would make a lovely C3 bomb? Because it's true _k_ō_hai_." Silence feel over the pair and Deidara's mind began to wander again.

_"You know if it were me, I'd never treat you like that. Because I like you __Deidara__-sempai, and I think you're special." _Deidara wrinkled his nose. Love was a nasty business. He'd stick to the possibly unreciprocated crazy cousin love he'd had for Sasori, it seemed a whole lot simpler.

"I've decided," Again Tobi intruded on Deidara's reverie. "You don't hate the Mist, senpai!"

"Very good, I was being to wondering if you were deaf or just extraordinarily stupid, un."

"No, you don't hand the Mist," Tobi continued ignoring Deidara, "You hate the mission! I bet you're horrid at assassinations Deidara-senpai. So I bet that Sasori use to do them, and this mission reminds you of…" A loud bang cut Tobi off as the bird he was riding exploded violently. Deidara snarled as his own bird rocked with the explosion.

The smoke cleared leaving a clear sky and only Deidara. The blond looked around and swore; explaining to Pein why he needed yet another partner was going to be less in amusing.

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AN: I meant to update last Sunday but I ran out of time to write this chapter. I was planning to write it last Saturday but I had to take the ACTs and that killed my brain. As I'm sure you can tell there is a reason I normally don't write about the Akasuki, they are a pain to keep in character. So I apologize for the massive OOC-ness of this story. Thanks for reading. -Morana


	4. Chapter 4: A Beginning and an End

THANKS TO: Lugga, N.E.May, Ana, Neko42, Sen the Crazy Cat Lady, black55widow, SKYE desu ka, crimsondeathhurts, Liana Uchiha, and Yoru no Kuronue for reviewing. Ya'll deserve much better.

Please Note: The ending to this story contains foreshadowing-ish spoilers. I'd have warned ya'll earlier, but I didn't know.

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While Deidara stood above the bird trying to decide the best way to tell Pein he'd killed his partner for annoying him Tobi clutched desperately to the underside of Deidara's bird. Deidara would be the death of him. One day Deidara would blow himself up and Tobi would be unable to escape such a massive explosion, he wasn't even sure he wanted to.

Unaware of Tobi clinging desperately to the bottom of the bird Deidara decided to land and at least look for some pieces of his dead partner. When the bird got close enough to the ground for Tobi to leap off unnoticed he let go of the bird and fell to the ground. From behind a tree he watched Deidara search for Tobi-pieces.

"Damn it! Nothing, un!" Deidara swore before collapse onto a large log.

"You really are stupid, un." He told himself, "Who gives a damn about a dead puppet, un?" Deidara leaned his head back and stared up at the sky and laughed bitterly.

"Tobi is a retard, but he's to only god damn honest person in the organization. You tell yourself ya' want to be loved, but the people you want are dead. And now you had your chance and you blew it up, un." Deidara shook his head; maybe he wouldn't go back to the Akatsuki all. The sound of a breaking twig brought a bit of clay to his hand.

"You know senpai; you sound funny when you talk to yourself." Tobi stepped out into plan view and Deidara very nearly tried to blow him up again.

"If you keep talking to yourself like that Deidara-senpai, people are going to think you're turning out like Zetsu-sama and then they'll wonder how long it'll be before you need a plant pot and start eating people." Deidara just looked at him with a shocked expression. Tobi let his shoulders drop and came to sit by Deidara.

"You know Deidara-senpai; I only annoy you so you'll pay attention to me. I'd rather have you mad at me, then not have you at all."

"Maybe I owe ya' more of a chance, un, but you've got to admit you're an annoying little bastard." Deidara smiled vaguely at Tobi.

Sasori. Itachi. Hidan. He was very use to being something worthless; maybe it was time to give meaning something a try. He glanced over at Tobi and was met with that stomach turning orange mask.

"You know I have no idea what you look like under that mask, un"

"That's the point of a mask, senpai."

"Take it off, un."

"No."

"Take off the damn mask,un."

"No, senpai." Deidara snarled and tackled the mask man to the ground and rip the mask off victoriously. The face that met his eyes was not the one he'd been expecting. A large glassy black eye started up from a pale face its pair lifeless and foggy. The dark hair that hung down in Tobi's face partly obscured the ruined eyes. There was something familiar about the face, perhaps how the nose was set or how the mouth turned, but Deidara wasn't given time to contemplate it because suddenly those familiar lips were one his own.

Hesitantly Deidara kissed back and when Tobi rolled flipping their positions he let it happen. With uncertainty Deidara wound his arms around Tobi to bring him close, but then he felt it. It was faint, but Deidara recognized it. It was an Uchiha's charka, and it wasn't Itachi's. Deidara broke the kiss and snarled softly with animal vindication.

"Uchiha," His voice laced with hurt and the need to hurt someone else. He was too focused to noticed how Tobi stiffened, "_Sasuke._"

"Itachi's little brother? Didn't you want to try your anti-Sharingan technique on him, senpai?" Tobi's voice sounded shaken, but Deidara just nodded.

"Come on Tobi let's go get that Orochimaru killing bastard, un." As Deidara jumped up and as Tobi reached for his mask he got the sickening feeling that, that kiss would be the only one he ever got from Deidara.

--THE END--

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AN: So is the end bad? Yes, but after two weeks with nothing I decided to sit down and finish this story, and I've discovered that TobiDeidara **really**isn't my thing. Oh well.I'm such a nerd. I was writing about the log and I'll I could think about was logarithms which could also explain a lot about this story. I was also having a 90's day and I was listening to 'N Sync and Backstreet Boys while writing this, which is odd because normally I'm a Linkin' Park or Blaqk Audio type person when I write. Oh and a note on how Deidara talks to himself like he's another person, that's how I talk to myself so that's how Deidara does it! No, I'm not narcissistic at all. Also I know I messed with the time line a little here, but if don't read the manga you probably don't care anyway. –Morana


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